Earlier today one of my clients said to me: “I’m just so fed up with myself! All those thoughts that I’ve been playing on repeat for so long, I’m just done with it!”
Procrastination, perfectionism, and building elaborate worst case scenarios in your head are all symptoms of control.
And behind the need of control is feeling unsafe and the fear of the unknown.
Telling someone who experiences these things to focus on gratitude or to feel into what they want instead, is just as ridiculous as telling someone who’s angry to “just calm down”.
If you could let go and relax into joy and gratitude, you would do so already!
The trouble is that often you try to let go of control by trying to control the control.
It’s exhausting and slows down the learning and creation process. Everything takes so much longer than it needs to and it costs way more energy.
In the last several posts I shared how to build a foundation of inner safety, resilience and trust, and calming down the nervous system and mind enough to transition into creating what you want with joy and from a place of inspired action. (Check the comments section for the links to these posts)
So now we’ve reached the second half of this exciting journey.
And that starts with congruence: living in line with what you know to be true.
A big part of the reason why mindset work often doesn’t stick, is that it doesn’t effectively translate what you know consciously into the subconscious.
That’s why you can know what to do, and yet have a really hard time acting on it, which is frustrating as heck.
Once it’s in the subconscious, you no longer have to think about it. It’s like breathing, it happens without you being aware of it.
What you need is to bridge the gap between knowing and doing.
There are a lot of things that we know that we don’t necessarily act on..
In the field of law of attraction and manifesting, these are a few guiding principles that most of us agree on.
All you need to do is set your intention and let God work out the rest
When you let go in trust, the Universe provides
I am both part of the Universe and the Universe is me
By aligning your thoughts with the expanded version of yourself, you allow your desires to come into fruition.
But do you truly feel them in your body? Do you truly live by them?
If you are a recovering control freak (much like myself and half the world’s population), it’s one thing to understand or even get excited by these principles.
You may even believe them on some level.
But your subconscious habit is still wants to hold a darned death grip on HOW things come about, rather than letting go of it.
So if you are running a facebook ad, you check every 5 minutes (ok, seconds) for statistics.
Or you might see if your post is getting engagement and constantly opening up your phone.
You have a sales conversation and you can’t let go of whether the potential client is going to buy or not (before, during and after the call!)
The struggle may be with letting go in work and taking on too much responsibility as a result of control.
Or with letting your partners do things their own way, rather than trying to control every single detail.
Whatever the area is where you are trying to achieve something (whether big or small), the ability to let go depends on how well you’ve integrated those principles I mentioned above.
There’s an easy process through which to do this, called Mind-To-Muscle, that takes an overarching principle that you’d like to guide you in your life dropping it from consciousness into subconsciousness)
Here’s the process:
Principle – State the principle as an understanding: I understand…
Belief – State the principle as a belief: I believe…
Decision – State the decision that flows from believing that principle.
Feeling – Step into the feeling that the decision triggers in you
Action – Identify the action that you are going to take as a result of mind-to-muscling this principle.
This is an incredibly powerful Neuro-Semantics process designed to close the knowing-doing gap.
I have to admit that I didn’t think it could be that simple (as someone who always thought that things had to be hard for them to mean something, this just felt way too easy).
It wasn’t until I took a participant on one of my trainings through this process as a demo, that I started to see its power.
My client had been trying to get more exercise in and even though she knew it was good for her, she just wasn’t doing it.
I asker her what principle she understood, but wasn’t living by:
I understand that a body in motion stays in motion and keeps me fit as I get older.
We then transitions this to a belief, first accessing the FEEL of a strong belief in her body and reinforcing that with making the gesture of a belief.
I believe that a body in motion stays in motion and keeps me fit as I get older.
(I want you to try on the difference for a moment, between the first and the second statement. The difference between I understand and I believe — these processes I describe are powerful because they are FELT rather than understood on an intellectual level)
We repeated this process several times, until she felt the belief statement firmly and strongly in her body.
Objections may pop up at this point. You may have to clear limiting beliefs that go against embodying this new principle.
The next step is to then state it as a decision:
I decide that I am going to keep my body in motion, so that I stay fit as I get older.
Again, we want the META-state of decision to be really strong here and keep repeating the statement from this feeling UNTIL it connects.
Usually, from this decision flows an emotional state. In my client’s case this was excitement and eagerness. A sense of wanting to move.
So I asked her: What action will you take?
She said that she would take a brisk walk at lunch every day.
I asked her: “Have you made the decision to do this?”
She answered with a firm “Yes”.
A few months after we did this process, she emailed me and said: “It’s the strangest thing. Every day come lunchtime, I just feel this strong urge to get up and walk. I don’t even have to think about it!”
Imagine what this would be like when you impress upon your subconscious a principle like: “To create something out of nothing we need to set a clear intention with an elevated emotion “, “The Universe conspires to shower me with blessings” or “When I let go in trust, the Universe provides”.
I understand that when I let to in trust, the Universe provides.
I believe that when I let to in trust, the Universe provides.
I decide to let go in trust, and let the Universe provides
Now I can feel relaxed and be present in the moment (with my kids, partner, nature, etc) and I feel calm in my mind.
I am going to set my intention for the year (month, trimester) and visualize that every evening, and I will set my daily intentions that flow from that, and then let it go.
Initially you may need to do this process several times until the principle start working on its own and you no longer need to consciously think about letting go.
I used to be hyper vigilant when it came to my Facebook ads. First thing in the morning I would check my mail and if I didn’t get a sales call booked or an inquiry for my services, I’d start feeling anxious: “I’ll never be successful, this is never going to work. Maybe I should turn off my ads, I am bleeding money.”
Now, I don’t even check my mail or messages in the morning. I no longer incessantly check throughout the day and I write when I feel inspiration.
I have more energy. Gratitude flows through me without having to work at it, it’s just there.
And that’s how my clients experience it as well.
Having this in place, it is so much easier to look at what you want and getting clear on your vision.
Along with building a solid sense of inner safety no matter what happens, resilience and trust, being in CONGRUENCE with the core principles of creating and manifesting, allows you to let go more and more of control. In my 10-week Transformation Into Flow program I take you through this process for yourself whilst you learn how to use it with your clients.
At this point you can start to envision what you want, who you want to be and feel into that without anything standing in the way. The next step, then, is to “live your future now” so you can set your intention with elevated emotion.
Out of this naturally flow feelings of gratitude and joy, and inspired action.
If you can’t wait to learn how to let go yourself or to get greater and more consistent results with your clients (or both), and you think my program is just what you need, email me.
We’ll take a closer look at where you are stuck and what it will take to get you to where you want. If my program is a fit, I will let you know and show you how you can secure your spot.