Are you holding back from your own expansion? Do you fear letting go of control and finding out how powerful you really are?
If so, this doesn’t just impact you. It puts an invisible ceiling on what you can achieve for yours clients as well.
Over the years a lot of coaches have confided in me that they don’t feel as “in charge” over their lives as they want to be. They have a hard time getting to their next level, living more in scarcity mode than in the expansion they want for themselves.
So when I put together a small group of my clients to research the art of letting go of control and leaning into trust, I had no problem filling up the spaces with some of my best clients.
The result of this research is a series of change processes that transforms the three universal fears (not being good enough, rejection / abandonment and fear of trust) into a solid sense of safety, optimism, and trust that leads to a flow of being in which you can let your intuition inform the mind and co-create with the Universe.
I am right now doing a series on these change processes and this is the first one in that series.
Let’s start here: There is overwhelming scientific evidence that your thoughts create your reality as well as your experience of your current reality. You have infinite powers of creation and your thoughts play an important role in this.
So if your thoughts are so powerful, then why does it have such a bad rep?
Often, the term “ego” is used to describe how our thinking works against us, and this is actually a HUGE problem.
Why? Because it dis-empowers us.
By labeling our negative thoughts as “ego”, it gets its own identity. As a result, it becomes something that can somehow have control over us, creating a sense of powerlessness.
Now there is a need to try and take back control, which gives our thoughts (and our feelings) even more power. And it is really hard to create change from this misconceived powerlessness.
If your client is struggling to solidify the change you’ve been working on, then it is highly likely that your client needs to be tapped into their powers of creation (their thinking, feeling, speaking and the action they take) if they are going to the results they want.
Too often, our clients end up fighting against their “old” ways of thinking and feeling, simply because they feel that their thoughts and feelings HAVE them instead of the other way around. This is a problem for you as a coach, because it is not enough to just take them through a change process.
No matter what you do (hypnosis, meditation, NLP, EFT), the real change happens after the coaching session. They might experience a shift right there and then, but are they able to hold on to that after the fact?
Your client needs to build new neural pathways if they want to change to stick, and any process you take them through is just the beginning of it.
Even if you help them see things differently, even if they meditate in the morning and feel great right after, they may not be able to hold on to their new way of thinking because they don’t know how to effectively deal with their “old” way of thinking when it (inevitably) pops back up.
They will need to hold on to that shift in moments they are usually triggered in their “old” way of thinking and feeling.
That’s where there is often a disconnect and where they start fighting the old, thereby giving it more power and creating a stuck state. As a result, they block the new way of being.
It’s why they aren’t getting the results they want, no matter how much they meditate, visualize and spend time in gratitude. It’s why they keep getting triggered by the same thing over and over again, unable to create a shift for themselves.
So what do you do when you notice that your client isn’t getting results, even though they are doing the work, yet they keep getting triggered into “old” behaviors?
You need to help EM-power them.
Here’s how you do this:
The first thing you need to help them with, is for them to become the owner of their powers of thinking, feeling, speaking and taking action.
They always were, of course, they just weren’t aware of it and had created this construct of powerlessness.
The fastest way to ownership of one’s powers, is through a process called meta-stating (developed by Dr. L. Michael Hall).
In order to explain how to own your powers, I’ll first need to explain this process, which makes use of self-reflexivity — our ability to reflect back on our thoughts and feelings.
Simply stated, we have thoughts and feelings (which make up a state) about our thoughts and feelings. Even simpler, let me give you an example: we can feel anger ABOUT our anger or we can feel calm about our anger.
They each create very different results: angry anger or calm anger.
By looking through the eyes of another (higher level) state at the emotion that we are in, we change that state.
So when we bring that back to ownership, we can access a state of ownership and look through the eyes of ownership at our powers of thinking, feeling, the words we speak and the actions we take.
It all starts with a clear, strong feeling of ownership.
And you can access that through thinking of something small and simple that you already feel ownership over: a piece of jewelry, your hand, a special rock or even your toothbrush.
With that referent, you can build a strong feeling of “This is mine.”
And once you have that, you can look through the eyes of this feeling at your thoughts: “I own my thoughts.
Now, if you are thinking: “Come on, this is way too simple,” then you are partly right. Often, it’s not this simple.
Most often it’s the case that your client will start throwing up objections when they start bringing ownership to their thoughts and feelings, words and actions.
Especially when it comes to thoughts they don’t really like or want to think.
They usually don’t actually want to own them (coz they suck, so who wants to own that, right?!)
And the funny thing is that this thought or feeling of not wanting to own their thoughts and feelings, is THEIRS too.
They are the creator of those thoughts!
So they can step out of the thought and reflect back on the thought through the lens of ownership: “So, that thought of not wanting to own your negative thoughts, is that your thought?”
Often, this is what makes that realization of ownership sink in.
What this does, is that it helps your client connect with the fact that they are the meaning maker of their lives. They are the creator.
And as the creator, they are ALWAYS able to step out of their construct and quality control it. THIS is the place of choice point, of being able to decide what to think and feel and say and do.
Ownership, by the way, isn’t about knowing how to change your thoughts or create new beliefs. I’ll dive into that in a later power.
This is just about having a felt understanding that no-one but you can think your thoughts.
By that same token, you can’t think someone else’s thoughts or feel someone else’s feelings for them (meaning, you may want someone to feel happy, but if the other person is hell-bent on feeling miserable, then it’s not in your power to change that), which also helps your client clear feeling overly response-able.
This process WILL NOT WORK, btw, if the feeling of ownership isn’t experienced IN THE BODY. It’s easy to understand this as a concept, but there is a difference between knowing it and living and breathing it.
This ownership of your powers is a critical first step to empowering your client to create and solidify any change they are after.
They no longer need to fight any thoughts or feelings that get triggered, because all these are are just that: thoughts and feelings. They’re nothing more than that. They’re not reality. And if your client doesn’t give them any power, they can pass through the brain in 90 seconds and they’re gone.
Any client who feels like they are taken over by their thoughts and emotions, will feel more empowered by this process. It’s a way of turning the tables and truly being in charge.
It’s shifts them from being controlling to being in control. But it’s also just the beginning.
Ownership is the first step in building a strong sense of safety and security, which is the foundation for being able to let go of control and lean into trust, so you can start co-creating with the Universe. The next steps of building safety are “liberating the self” and “building resilience through optimism”, which are next up in this series.
Later on in this series I will talk about enlightened ownership, and how it creates the bridge from mastering 3D into mastering 5D reality.
Building ownership is part of my 10-week program for coaches, healers and change makers called Quantum Leap Your Transformation Into Flow, where we focus on as series of change processes that take your client from being stuck in procrastination and perfectionism, unable to let go of control, into a flow of being that drives inspired action.
In the process you learn how to help your client build a foundation of safety and optimism, build trust in themselves, the Universe, and others, so they are ready to envision a whole new version of who they are and want to be. They’ll then learn how to practically apply the principles of quantum physics (law of attraction and manifesting) to start co-creating with the Universe and let their intuition guide them to inspired action.
The beauty is that you get to experience this for yourself first, which means you get to break free from the fear of letting go of control and step into expansion for yourself as well.(My clients actually love this part of it, because it has meant making huge shifts in their own businesses, relationships, etc)
If you are interested in this program, then simply email me. If we find that we’re made for each other (or rather, that my program is a great fit for what you need), then I will let you know how you can secure your spot.
With love and light,
Femke